Often saddened by typical sessions with couples on the verge of divorce, I have helped them whenever possible by having them rehearse together how to finally tell their children about this impending family crisis.

I tell them that first they need to sit down soon, all family members together. I encourage them to prepare and refine 45 seconds of explanation that refer both to their parents’ sadness and on-going love for their children. That love would manifest in parents continuing to cooperate and act as a friendly partnership and role models on behalf of the children in the future —through marriage and all other transitional events.

After 45 seconds I charge them to zip further talking and just listen carefully to their children for the next few minutes. Despite serious fear of sharing vulnerability, the typically avoidant dad can be a quick learner. That involves overcoming an male tendency to procrastinate or hand off such expression of vulnerability. Dads are often ready to turn the announcement over to his more eloquent wife. Most wives, are more comfortable with the courageous expression of strong, relationship-building feelings.

If only all parents could commit to being excellent models of partnership and sharing. I’ve heard adult children of divorces that happened many years ago ponder now about such other peoples’ unfolding divorces. Burned by a divorce war, they might say, as I heard recently, “Those children will never be the same.” But I expect today’s clients, especially if they avoid litigation, to cope well and I expect parents to build a better partnership, post divorce, than ever before.